You started making music when you were around 16 or 17 after a tumultuous period of heartbreak and difficulty, including getting thrown out of your mum’s house. Tell us about this period.
I wasn’t doing too good in school and didn’t have a lot of promising qualities. My parents were like, “you need to get it together or you’re not going to be ok in life.” So I downloaded a beat making program called FL Studio and tried to learn how to make beats. I made a mixtape called ‘My Friend’s Couch’ inspired by the fact that I was always over at my friend’s house, sitting on his sofa, and smoking. I wanted to make something that resonated with my situation at the time. I deleted it a few years later, but that was the beginning of my journey with music.
That said, I’ve always loved music. My dad was into rappers like Lil Wayne, Carter Three, and Tupac when I was younger, while my mum always played R&B and gospel tracks by artists like Fred Hammond and Boyz II Men.
Speaking of gospel, your mum was very religious. However, it took you a while to connect with the God she had such a close relationship with. How did you come to find your faith?
I went through my first existential crisis when I was 17. I felt like everything was meaningless and didn’t know why I was here. That’s when I came up with my artist name, Montell Fish. I felt like a lost fish swimming in the ocean.
I started praying because I was so low. After that, I dedicated myself to Christianity and Christian music for around four or five years. I didn’t want to curse in my music anymore, or talk about sex or sinful behavior.
Why did you stop pursuing that path?
When I was in the Christian space, there were a lot of boxes that I had to stay in and so many rules that people held me to. There were even chord progressions I used that people said were bad because they reminded them of certain anti-Christian ideas. I started wondering why I was limiting myself and abiding by rules that didn’t even seem biblically accurate. In 2021, I moved to New York away from all of my church-going friends. I felt like I needed space from all that, and to be around people who had a passion for what they did. I kept an acknowledgement of the divine in my music, but I started to allow myself to tell different stories.
You’ve still kept all of your Christian music online despite drastically changing your musical style. In an age where many of us curate our lives and delete sections of our past, why is it important for you to keep this part of your story public?
I like the honesty and progression of it. There’s a perception from my older fan base that I’ve drifted away from my faith. My music kind of supports that, because it’s sonically darker. I like this idea. It feels like a fictional character arc, even though it’s my reality.
Some artists think their fans can’t sense authenticity. I think you always need to have a little bit of relatability in there. That’s the role of an artist.
